My left pectoral is hurting because yesterday I went to the gym for the SECOND time in a WEEK. Have you ever met anyone who's been to the gym twice in a week? No. I didn't think so. That's because you don't know anyone as cool as me. Right. I'm going to have a game of 'random article'. Stand well back. This could get dangerous...
The first random article that's popped up on Wikipedia is 'Housedon Hill'. Essentially, it's just a hill in Northumberland, not far from the Scottish border. I bloody love that part of the world. Growing up in Newcastle, when I was a kid I had a fair few day trips to the Northumberland countryside. I remember going to a market in Alnwick and getting really excited because I had bought a bullet. Apparently it's ok to sell a child a bullet. Not understanding how gun play worked I thought that if I threw the bullet on the ground it would cause a massive explosion. So I did. I was, of course, disappointed. But given what I thought would actually happen it's probably one of the most reckless things I've ever done. That and killing that tramp last year.
My cursor is hovering over 'random article'. Let's hit that bitch. Ooooh. 'KC and the Sunshine Band'. Apparently they were formed in Miami, Florida (been there!) in 1973. I think the names of the hits sound funny if you say them in a Yorkshire accent with a deep voice and imagine you're talking to your elderly wife. No matter where you are, try it now... "(Shake Shake Shake) Shake Your Booty", "I'm Your Boogey Man", "Get Down Tonight", "Give It Up", "Please Don't Go". It's best if you imagine that with these last two he's talking to her about tea... "That's The Way (I Like It)" and "Keep It Coming Love".
The most striking sentence in the whole wiki entry is this...
On July 28, 2000, Jerome Smith (rhythm guitar) died accidentally while working as a bulldozer operator.
That's all it says on the matter. If he simply died operating a bulldozer then I could be happy imagining him spending his millions on 'diggers' and getting a bit carried away when messing about in the grounds of his mansion. But, no. He was working as a bulldozer operator. I guess that's what happens when your band has 34 members, past and present. There's not enough money to go round. Sketch groups beware. Perhaps he did have enough money though. Maybe it was just his dream to be a bulldozer operator and the band was just his day job. One more thought, and apologies to the family of Jerome Smith if they are reading this. How do you die in a bulldozer? Bulldozers cause destruction but I would have thought that they're actually quite safe places to be in. Perhaps his was destroyed by a larger bulldozer. Perhaps that was operated by KC himself. I imagine, as is always the case, tensions in the group grew over the years. KC probably had a lot more money because his name was in the band's title. Maybe he bought a larger bulldozer to taunt the other band members and went on bit of a rampage. Isn't it time the FBI looked into this case again?
One more pull on the 'random article' lever I think... Well this is crap. I've got 'Raw Score'. Here is the Wiki entry in full...
In statistics and data analysis, a raw score is an original datum that has not been transformed. This may include, for example, the original result obtained by a student on a test (i.e., the number of correctly answered items) as opposed to that score after transformation to a standard score or percentile rank or the like.
Often the conversion must be made to a standard score before the data can be used. For example, an open ended survey question will yield raw data that cannot be used for statistical purposes as it is; however a multiple choice question will yield raw data that is either easy to convert to a standard score, or even can be used as it is.
Can anyone come up with something funny about that? No. Didn't think so. Actually I reckon there are many comedians and writers far better than I who would come up with gallons of hilarious and life affirming material on that. There's probably the makings of a game changing and award winning Edinburgh show in that Wikipedia entry but I have neither the skill nor the inclination to find it. I'm off for a dump. Bye!
No comments:
Post a Comment