Friday, 22 April 2011

Alone in Munich

Be honest. You've missed me. Sorry I haven't posted anything for a while. From what I hear the absence of my pithy prose has started to effect national morale. Fine. I couldn't give a shit about how you 'people' feel. What's worrying is that once national morale goes down so does productivity and with it - GDP. Once something starts to effect my wallet I take notice - so here I am. Bloggin'.

The reason for my disappearance is work based. I'm rehearsing a play which I'm being reminded is quite a serious and grown up thing to do. One of the director's frequent notes is - 'I think this bit needs to be... brilliant'. It turns out making something 'brilliant' takes quite a lot of effort so that's what I've been up to. Not now though. Right now, I am in a hotel room in Munich watching a snooker match between charisma mammoths Ali Carter and Graeme Dott with German commentary. In Britain snooker commentators are all ex players. I'm not aware of any German ex- snooker players so I wonder who these pricks are. I'd like to think they're just translators listening to a feed of Johns Parrott and Virgo.

Why am I in Munich? Well... having cancelled an American road trip that my girlfriend is now currently on (traitor) to be a theatrical bellend I thought I'd use the Easter weekend to get away. Booking the trip at short notice, flight times and cost left me with two options - Munich or Warsaw. I went for Munich. So far, so alright. I like going away on my own but in the first 24 hours I often flirt with depression. A baby has just started crying in the neighbouring hotel room so that's not ideal. I should of course be out enjoying the nightlife but I'm pretty knackered. I sampled a beer garden earlier on. There were some people wearing lederhosen and some young lads singing German football songs. That was enough for me to feel like I was abroad. Job done. Back to the hotel room.

Tomorrow will be more adventurous. There's a military shop opposite the hotel which from the looks of the window is pretty well stocked with automatic machine guns and massive knives. I was born on the cusp of Cancer and Leo and if I was more of a Leo than a Cancer instead of vice versa I'd probably head straight there and then go on a bit of spree. I am, however, more inclined to Cancer traits so I'll probably just settle for a sightseeing bus tour.

Well, Graeme Dott's just pulled it back to 8-8 and the baby's stopped crying. I might celebrate with a weird chocolaty wafer thing from the mini bar. I was desperate for a slice of cheesecake tonight but the little research I did suggested that it's not easy to come across in Munich. That may be why Blanche from Golden Girls was rarely seen here. Now that I'm doing obscure references from early 90s American sit coms I think it might be time to piss off. Quite frankly I'd rather be Hanging With Mr Cooper.