Monday, 14 February 2011

Poor decision maker.

Top tip! If you, like me, haven't achieved all that you wanted to by your current age then don't watch documentaries about people who have before bed - it's depressing. Last night I watched a Fry and Laurie retrospective, calculated their ages when they were doing various things and weeped. I suppose that gives you an idea of the depths of my shallowness. It's not programmes about Einstein or Gandhi that leave my questioning my contribution to the world - it's shows about clowns.

I'm never going to get anywhere if I continue with the poor decision making of last week. A series of bafflingly stupid choices led me to - eat something called 'crispy rice' and suffer the gastric consequences, spend an afternoon in Wolverhampton, watch the Green Hornet 3D, pay a £40 fine on a train and worst of all pay £9 on nachos which were essentially just Doritos and dip.

The nachos were by far the least defensible choice. I was at the cinema and starving so asked for the £7.50 'Nacho Combo' which (generously) came with a drink. The girl behind the counter asked what dip I wanted. What have you got? Back came the answer - 'cheese, salsa or sour cream'. Let me say that again. I had to choose BETWEEN 'cheese, salsa or sour cream'. Other than the chips those are the KEY ingredients of nachos! Would you like salt OR vinegar with your chips? Would like meat OR veg with your roast? BOTH!! I want them BOTH!! Also, for the record, those ingredients (cheese! salsa! sour cream!) should be all over the nachos - not in a separate little plastic pot. It's emerging that I feel more strongly about this than any other subject. In a week when the people of Egypt overthrew a dictator, propped up by the west for 30 years, leaving the world to question whether it will cause a domino effect bringing democracy to the Middle East or cause those regimes still in power to become more dictatorial and militarised in order to defeat any revolution before it takes hold and also question whether democracy will create a more peaceful Middle East or a more radicalised and anti-Western one... I have chosen to rant about nachos. You should know that I ended up paying £9 just for the privilege of having two dips. Perhaps I should have children just so I don't spend my disposable income on such ludicrous things.

Who's up for a game of 'random article'? That's right folks! It's the game where Fergus Craig clicks 'random article' on Wikipedia and then tells you about what he reads leaving you to wonder if it would actually be less boring just to get back to work instead of reading my blog as a diversion tactic. Get ready bitches!

Right. This game may have died a premature death. I've ended up getting the 1991 Stella Artois Tennis Championships at Queens Club. It just tells me that Stefan Edberg beat a chap called David Wheaton 6-2, 6-3 in the final. I do remember that at school everyone liked Edberg and I liked Boris Becker. This was because even at that age I was a dangerous renegade smashing the system from the inside. I'm still dangerous to this day. So dangerous, in fact that I'm prepared to go for another roll of the Wikipedia dice. 'The guy's a madman!' Damn right I am. Here goes...

Jackpot!! Beninese Hip-Hop! Just when you thought this game was dead and buried it comes out with Beninese Hip-Hop. If you've read all my blogs (who hasn't?) you'll know that I am a big fan of the old hippity-hop. I am not familiar with it's Beninese variety. I do know that Benin is a country though because I am clever. Turns out that Beninese rap is done in the language of Fon which is spoken by 1.7 million people in Benin and Togo. Footballer and all round bellend Emmanuel Adebayor is from Togo so I imagine he's partial to a bit of Beninese Hip-Hop. Perhaps when he's travelling to matches he listens to the Ardiess Posse. I know I will from now on...

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