PMQs and sexism and books and shit.

If it is 12 o'clock on a Wednesday lunchtime and I am in the house then I watch Prime Minister's Questions. I honestly believe that this has no higher intellectual merit than my addiction to Neighbours. PMQs (as those in the know call it) is silly. The actual content of the 'debate' is so rarely of any substance that they might as well just talk about who has the biggest dick. For the record, ironically enough, Ed Balls has the biggest dick.

What's entertaining about PMQs is the absurdity of watching the governing elite jeer at each other like drunken bellends. Today, a Labour MP started a question with the following;

"This week I visited a constituent of mine,... (her name)"

This was greeted by ironic cheers and wolf whistles from the Tory benches. I'm not joking. I believe they were implying, hilariously, that the Labour MP 'fancied' his constituent or 'got off' with her. A while ago I remember reading that whenever a new female MP was speaking in parliament some other MPs would mumble 'tits' under their breath. Again, I am genuinely not joking.

In a week when two Sky Sports presenters have been (rightly) castigated for surreptitiously recorded sexist comments it's worth noting that parliament is riddled with similar pricks who behave awfully in public. I've just noticed that 'surreptitiously' has the word 'tit' in it. Brilliant. Of course, it's not just sexism that is the problem in parliament. It's the dominant juvenile, boisterous humour which is so poorly hidden. It's there for us, or at least those of us without proper jobs, to see every Wednesday lunchtime.

I should declare that I love juvenile humour. My favourite joke (and much of my life) involves dog fellatio. The problem with the politicians is that their humour appears to be so ball achingly unfunny. If you're not at least going to be funny then just behave like normal adults. Although, I do find the sheer ludicrousness of PMQs entertaining I find it embarrassing that it is supposed to be democracy in action. MPs frequently condemn the atmosphere of PMQs but it never changes. I think that the average politician is probably a far better person than the general public give them credit for but they really don't do themselves any favours.

Since I've mentioned sexism today I think it's time I made an admission. I have never read a novel by a woman. When I told someone that fact about 7 years ago they were astonished. It still remains the case. I fear I may have mentioned this in a previous blog post. If so then consider this an update. I have STILL never read a novel by a woman. I am told that there are now literally dozens of novels by penis-free authors and yet I am yet to read one. The problem is that now there is so much pressure on the first female written novel I read. Of course, you'd be right in responding that it would be ridiculous to judge a whole gender on one book. That, however, is what I intend to do.

I have started a few novels by women but as is the way with a good two thirds of the books I read I haven't finished them. I consider (the blatantly sexist) Martin Amis one of my favourite authors and yet I have only actually managed to complete one of his books. I read at least 300 pages of both London Fields and Money and gave up.

I think I'm going to have to stop writing because I'm finding my book reading habits less and less easy to defend. Feel free to give me book recommendations but know that the thought process that will go into whether I read them or not will be devoid of logic.

Over and out.

Your friend and sometime lover.

Fergus Craig