Angry man.

On Wednesday I went for a meeting with my accountant because I am a grown up. I've had an accountant for about 4 years now and this was the first time that I went for my annual chat with them without at least a little bit of shit in my pants. Previously, I was always fearful that they would tell me that I'd completely misunderstood the tax system and unless I could find 15 grand within the next 8 minutes I would be escorted from the premises and taken to an open prison. At this point I should tell you that if it wasn't for it being full of criminals I've always found the idea of prison quite appealing. I like to think that I'd get a lot done there. I'd read a lot, lift weights, play table tennis, write a brilliant best selling memoir and get a law degree to work on my appeal. I realise I'm being naive. It's the same part of my brain that thinks I'd enjoy being a taxi driver.

Back to my accountant - this year, amazingly, I've managed to save some money and pay quite a bit of tax ahead. I've also, in a move that goes against all my past behavioral patterns, kept a good record of my expenditure and shit. This all meant that in our 15 minute meeting I felt awfully mature and respectable. Once we'd sorted everything out, my accountant and I had a brief chat about football (because that's what men do apparently) and then said our goodbyes. Just before I headed out the door I asked if I could use his toilet. Don't worry - this story is going somewhere. I was told to head to the top floor and there I found the Men's. After locking the door I did my business (you know, pissing and the like) and then tried to get out. The lock was pretty tight and there were about 6 seconds in which I panicked that I would have to be 'rescued'. To my relief my extra human strength managed to turn the lock and I walked out...

'HEY!!'

I turn round to see a bearded man in his late 50s sat at a desk in an office beside the toilet. I'm not sure if he worked for my accountant or a different company that shares the same building.

'TURN THE LIGHT OFF AND SHUT THE DOOR!!'

'Sorry'.

I do so. He is angry. Weirdly angry.

'THERE ARE TWO SIGNS IN THERE! ARE YOU BLIND?!!!!!'

At this stage I start to feel that he is overreacting a little. I try to add some perspective but am a little thrown by the sheer near-foaming-at-the-mouth-mentalness of this stranger. I give a weak laugh and say the following...

'Look. I'm sorry, I don't think it's that big a deal. I didn't see the sign. I've closed the door now. I think you're overreacting'.

'YEAH WELL YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE FUCKING SMELL!!'

I understand that, sat there all day with people leaving the door open could getting irritating. I still maintain that this guy was properly insane though. Also, for the record, my piss does not smell that bad. He now starts mumble-shouting. As far as I am aware no one else witnessed this...

'HONESTLY, THESE PEOPLE ARE DEAF, BLIND AND FUCKING STUPID!!'

Now, I really want him to know that he is the unreasonable nutcase in this scenario but am so astonished by what's going on all I can do is a 'you're crazy' smile and say...

'Wow!... Wow!'

'FUCKING IDIOT!! YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT!!'

'Wow!'

Then I ran down the stairs and left. I can think of two explanations for what happened. The first is that he's having a nervous breakdown in which case there is a genuine chance that (if it hasn't already) it will end in the blood of the innocent. The second is that he is a 'flawed genius' who cannot deal with people but is incredible with numbers. He makes the company lots of money but is impossible to live with - so like a modern day Caliban they keep him in a tiny office near the toilet and hope that he doesn't come into contact with the clients.

When people get angry over little things I find it really funny. Although, ultimately, I feel sorry for this kid I find this video very funny. He has plenty of other funny one's too...