January 4th

Shit bags. It's January 4th. Now that everyone is back to work I can no longer spend my days watching daytime TV without feeling guilty. That has not stopped me from doing exactly that for months on end in the past. But that was the old me. As Hannah Martin once said in Neighbours... "This is the new me, get used to it!". Speaking of Neighbours - I recently found out that Jesse Spencer who played Billy Kennedy (and is now in House) is the son of Australia's Nick (and Nicola) Griffin. His parents formed a far-right political party called Australians Against Further Immigration. It put's a whole new spin on Jesse's blonde, some might say Aryan looks. To be fair, Jesse may not have the same opinions as his parents but it's quite funny that he, having moved to the U.S, is now an immigrant himself.

Now, the moment you've all been waiting for... the results of my Babestation experiment. Perhaps unsurprisingly they were rather disappointing. For those of you who didn't read my last blog (why!? why!?) and are too lazy to scroll down I was curious as to what happens on Babestation at midnight on New Year's Eve. It turns out they simply went off air for about 10 minutes. I kind of wish I hadn't bothered checking now. I was hoping that by recording Babestation on New Year's Eve I would get some kind of insight into the human psyche and a damning record of where Britain is today. Instead I just got about 5 and a half hours of writhing women punctuated by 10 minutes of blank screen on the only bit I was interested in. That is not to say that I am not ever interested in writhing women. If you are a writhing woman - please don't take offence.

Changing the subject entirely, I went to the football twice in the last 3 days. First, I watched Millwall beat Palace 3-0 and then saw the mighty Leyton Orient beat Colchester United 4-2. At both games I noticed signs saying 'Say 'No' To Bad Language'. Firstly, it's ridiculous to imagine that a little sign would stop Millwall fans from swearing. Most of the Millwall fans were like the people who bullied me at school. No, wait - they were like the people who bullied the people who bullied me at school - except they were in their 50s and had their kids with them. Within the first 10 minutes I heard the word 'cunt' more times than I have ever heard it in one sitting - even at a New Act night!*

What I found funniest about the sign was it's phrasing. I liked the idea that bad language is something you are offered, like a drug...

EXT. LONDON. NIGHT. A DARK STREET CORNER.

"Hey, mate! Do you wanna say 'bollocks'?"

"No thank you"

THE END

*This is a reference to comedy nights in which about 16 brand new comedians try to impress the audience by talking about peodophiles and finishing every joke with the word 'cunt'.

Changing subject entirely again I'm going to leave you with a video of what is honestly one of my favourite ever songs. I have no idea what movie it's from or what he's singing about though I expect it's love or some shit like that...