My morning.

Look out window. Heavy snow. Look at phone. Minus seven (feels like minus eleven). Think I'll take the baby to a playgroup on the other side of the city. 

Dress baby, against his will, in sixteen layers. Leave apartment. Realise you've forgotten changing stuff. Return to apartment. Angry, sweaty, whiny baby. 

Leave building. An arctic fox walks by. A baby polar bear takes his first steps. Cute. 

Realise you don't have change for the bus. Baby crying now. Go into a Tim Hortons. Purchase a donut and plot plan to eat donut without baby seeing. 

Can't find bus stop. Gust of wind, buggy rain cover takes off. Successfully battle to re-attach rain cover but hold up important businessman on his way to important business meeting in the process. 

Find bus stop. No bus, no shelter, baby screaming. Consider eating donut. Bus arrives. Packed. Squeeze on with screaming baby no doubt crashing buggy wheels into four different people's ankles. 60 faces look at you and say 'what the fuck are you doing?' in French. 

Three minutes pass. Consider getting off the bus, leaving the baby and joining the army. 

People alight and space opens up. Sit down in front of screaming baby. Hand him a toy phone to play with but baby in giant coat has no access to hands. Enthusiastically pull out book. Baby bats it away with giant arm, continuing to scream. All of the world's faces stare at you. 

Take now mangled donut from pocket. Put piece in baby's mouth. Put larger piece in your own. Crying persists, but volume decreases. Another piece in baby's mouth. Larger piece in your own. This is a very sugary donut. Picture father and son as self induced diabetics. Continue until donut finished. Baby still crying. 

Remember that morning's Facebook post from friend currently filming HBO TV series in exotic location. Look out of window and go through each of your failures in detail. Arrive at intended bus stop. Plough through disgruntled passengers to carry buggy off bus and into giant slush puddle. Lean forwards and walk through snowstorm until you arrive at playgroup only to find that it's closed.