Friday, 31 December 2010

New Year isn't it.

Hello darling. You may or may not be aware that this evening is New Year's Eve. Until the last couple of years I've not really been a fan of New Year's. Here's my issue(s) with it;

It's the sort of night in which people who don't normally 'go out' do so. They are well within their rights to 'go out' and 'have a laugh' but being out of practice as they are, I find that they tend to act like pricks. Cramming a year's jollity into an evening they feel they have to wear stupid hats, sing Grease medleys and cackle at passing traffic. I suspect that most of them are nice folk but unaccustomed to heavy public drinking as they are they become irritants.

These buffoons make traveling anywhere on New Year's a fucking nightmare. One New Year I was on a bus. Someone asked a couple of teenage lads where they were headed and they replied 'Anywhere where there's pussy, man!'. Nice. It transpired that they were going to Trafalgar Square. I'm sure they would find possessors of female genitalia in Trafalgar Square but there is no telling as to the quality or availability of said 'pussy'. Also, what with it being cold at that time of night in winter I'd imagine there's likely to be quite a few layers between those gentlemen and the 'pussy'. I reckon they ended up wishing they'd stayed at home and watched Babestation.

Now there's a question - what happens at midnight on New Year's Eve on Babestation? That is surely a seriously depressing moment for both the viewers and the 'performers'. Not only are they the type of person who is on/watching Babestation but they are also the type of person who is on/watching Babestation as the rest of the country celebrates the arrival of a New Year. To be fair at least the performer is getting paid - double time I imagine. The viewer however is so lonely and horny that they can think of no better way to spend Hogmanay than with their penis in hand watching a glistening Nuts reject do a poor imitation of sexiness.

Does Babestation even acknowledge that it's New Year's? Surely at 11.57pm they should say 'Listen. It's nearly midnight. Turn to Jools Holland on BBC2 for 5 minutes and pretend you're a normal person. Then come back to us and we'll get back to the misery disguised as erotica'. I'm so curious as to what happens at midnight on Babestation that I have set my Sky+ to record it tonight. I'm genuinely excited to see what happens. It is however important that I delete it before my girlfriend gets back from Florida. She would no doubt suspect that whilst she was gone, not only had I spent my evenings watching Babestation - I had also recorded it so that I could re-enjoy it during the day. By the way, I do realise that by going on such a long rant about Babestation I am admitting that I have watched it. Be honest, be you man or woman - so have you. Maybe not. Shit.

The last couple of New Year's have been fun because I've spent the night at a lovely pub a short walk from my house. This has kept 'dickhead encountering' down to a minimum and eradicated the obligatory 2 hour taxi wait. Tonight however due to the movements of 'friends' I am going to a house party in another neighbourhood. I look forward to people stealing MY BEERS from the fridge and talking to crying women on the stairs as I wait for a taxi that was supposed to be there an hour and a half previous. Happy New Year bellends!

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